Want to find out a bit more about Chinese girls?
In the seven years I’ve been teaching in China, I’ve had three Chinese girlfriends.
While I’m no expert in relationships, I’ve learnt a lot in China when it comes to the opposite sex.
So, for those hoping to find the girl of their dreams in China, here’s a handy guide on what to expect.
I’d hate for you to make the same mistakes I did!
A is for Apartment
Chinese girls don’t date for fun.
They take relationships more seriously than many Westerners do. They’re not looking merely for a boyfriend but a potential, future husband.
Property ownership is seen as the ultimate symbol of security and stability in China. So you’ll need to buy an apartment here if you want a long-term future with a Chinese woman.
B is for Bedroom
Sex before marriage is generally frowned upon in China.
However, you can expect to indulge in lots of foreplay, even before marriage, if you succeed in turning a Chinese girl on.
C is for Caring
A good Chinese girl is generally very caring. She’ll look after you well and cook delicious meals for you.
D is for Dowry
Some traditional Chinese girls will expect any potential suitor to pay her family a dowry, or bride price, prior to marriage.
How much you pay will depend on several factors, e.g. the beauty of the girl, whether or not she’s a virgin, how young she is, the province she comes from, etc.
This is not going to be cheap.
E is for English
One problem for foreigners when trying to find a partner in China is the language barrier.
Most of the Chinese girls you might meet will have a poor command of English. But you can try teaching them!
See also: How to learn basic Chinese
F is for Finance
Some Chinese women are quite insecure.
There’s a custom in China which dictates that the woman controls the finances in a marriage.
The woman hopes that, by insisting that her husband hands over all his money to her, he’ll not be able to leave her or have affairs.
G is for Gifts
Forget flowers and chocolates.
If you want to impress a Chinese girl, you’ll have to get her something much more expensive. Think iPhones, Chanel perfume and gold jewelry.
H is for Hukou
Hukou is China’s system of permanent residence. It’s difficult for Chinese people to move out of their Hukou area because if they do, they’ll lose many privileges.
Their children may be barred from good schools and they might be at the back of the queue for things like housing.
I is for Inflexible
Consequently, you’ll find it difficult to meet a Chinese girl half-way on an issue.
Right from the outset, she’ll insist that you move to her city, buy an apartment there and hand over all your money. But she won’t be willing to move with you to where your job is.
J is for Job
If you have a good and stable one, Chinese women will find you very attractive.
A Chinese woman, on the other hand, might quit her job as soon as marriage becomes a possibility.
K is for Kids
As soon as you marry a Chinese girl, the pressure will be on for you to have children. Remaining childless until you have enough money to bring up a kid may not be an option.
And, education is not cheap.
Many Chinese teens aspire to study in the US. That would set you back about RMB 300,000 (US$43,000) a year.
L is for Love
A Chinese woman shows her love for her partner in different ways to a Western woman.
For instance, she won’t shower you with kisses and she’ll be apprehensive about holding your hand in public.
But if a Chinese woman loves you, she’ll make sure your favorite meal is on the table when you come home, she’ll check up on you to make sure you’re OK and she’ll give you practical help whenever she can.
M is for Materialism
Material goods are very high on a Chinese woman’s list of priorities. She’s quite simple, in a way.
You don’t need to be suave and sophisticated like James Bond. Very often, all you need to attract a Chinese woman is a stable and well-paid job as well as a lot of money.
N is for Never
Chinese girls never pay for anything on a date. The man is expected to pay for everything in a relationship.
If you meet a girl from a dating website and decide to meet up with her, you’ll not only have to pay for your own transport and accommodation but also meals out, bus and taxi fares and to foot the bill for anything the girl wants to buy.
See also: Chinese dating (help for foreigners)
O is for One
Specifically, one rule for her and one for you.
In exchange for paying a dowry, the girl’s family is generally expected to buy a car or to furnish the apartment.
But if the girl doesn’t come from a well-off family, she’ll insist that she’s exempt from following her own customs.
In other words, some girls follow the rules only when it suits them.
P is for PDA
If you’re a typical Westerner, I’m sure you like to cuddle, hug, kiss and hold your girlfriend’s hand.
Many Chinese girls however, are quite uncomfortable with public displays of affection (PDA). Your girl might refuse to hold your hand in public.
Q is for Quarrels
Anyone who has been in a relationship will know that it’s hard work. There will be disagreements, quarrels and even fights.
This is even more acute in China because of cultural differences. So, a relationship with a Chinese girl will really test your communication and negotiation skills.
Having said that, Chinese women don’t play mind games, which is a plus.
R is for Relatives
Family ties are very strong in China. How well you get along with your Chinese girlfriend’s parents and family is going to directly affect the success or failure of the relationship.
So, not only will you have to buy gifts for your girlfriend, you may have to buy them for her parents as well.
S is for Sheng nu
This means leftover woman and is used to refer to any woman who is still unmarried in her late twenties.
A sheng nu knows that time is not on her side. Therefore, she may be less demanding or picky compared to a younger woman and easier to court.
Starting a family with a sheng nu might be harder too. Sadly, they’re banned from freezing their eggs.
T is for Travel
Some Chinese girls might tell you that their customs put a lot of restrictions on their ability to travel.
If you meet a girl from a different province, you’ll have to travel to see her because she’ll tell you that it’s “not safe” for her to come to you.
She might also insist that she’s not allowed to travel with you to meet your parents until after marriage.
Your parents, on the other hand, might be expecting you to bring your girlfriend to their home instead of having to travel all the way to China to meet her.
U is for Understanding
This is necessary in any relationship, but particularly so in intercultural ones.
The amount of give-and-take you have with a Chinese girl will play a large role in determining the success of your relationship with her.
V is for Visa
A word of warning: Some Chinese girls chase foreign men just to get a visa to stay in his country.
So, before you get too deeply involved with a girl from China, make sure that she loves you for you and not your ability to get her a visa.
W is for Workaholic
There are two types of women in China.
There is the lazy one who quits her job as soon as marriage is on the cards and expects a life of leisure from her husband.
Then there is the workaholic. The workaholic woman is very serious and works 24/7.
The problem is she’ll expect you to do the same. So if you marry her, you’ll be working seven days a week and have a terrible social life.
X is for X-rated
Although illegal, prostitution in China is a flourishing trade.
Other erotic services such as happy ending massages and hostess dance clubs are also available.
While paying for sexual services is common in China, just remember you’re subject to all local laws and penalties.
Y is for Yes-man
It’s been said that it’s almost impossible for a man to win an argument with a woman.
This applies to China too, particularly so in the case of foreigners because Chinese women sure aren’t going to discard their country’s customs in favor of yours.
Z is for Zhongguo
This is the Mandarin word for China, where the latest stats show that the male/female ratio is now almost 1:1.
For all the bachelors out there hoping to get married, this must surely be good news. Until recently, in some Chinese cities there were two males for every female!
What do you think of my summary of Chinese girls?
I know I’ve made some generalizations. Not everything you read here will apply to every girl you meet in China.
However, I hope you’ll agree it’s a fairly good guide to some of the issues you might encounter in a relationship with a Chinese woman.
Now that you know what to expect, you’ll hopefully be in a better position to make the relationship with your Chinese girlfriend a success.
If you liked my blog about Chinese girls, you’ll probably like the one I wrote about dating and romance in China too.
Or, if you have time on your hands, check out this epic guide to Chinese girls. Enjoy reading!